I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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