She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
