I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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