I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
