I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize