Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
