Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
