Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
