I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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