In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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