singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
