Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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