Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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