when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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