Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
