nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
