you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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