You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
