so explain again why im purple
no
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
