what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
