she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
