dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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