You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
