She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
