Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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