It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
