my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
