you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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