Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
