Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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