it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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