Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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