i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
