Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
