I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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