I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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