I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
