Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
