What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
