Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
