Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
