I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
