Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
