trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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