how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
