turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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