So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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