at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
