I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
