all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
