If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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