I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
