"it" just moved
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
