Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
