is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
