yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
