ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
