I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
