I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
