Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
