Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
