This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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