i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
