you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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