I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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