you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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