He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
