I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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