Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
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I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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